There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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