You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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