Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
