either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
