I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
