What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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