If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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