Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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