me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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