The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
