I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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