u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
