i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
