So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
