they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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