just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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