I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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