You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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