You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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