I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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