I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
