yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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