Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
