how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
