Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
