Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
