sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
