if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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