There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
