nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
