"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
