i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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