Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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