I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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