I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
