dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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