$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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