you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
