hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
