Where is the hickey?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
