It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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