Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
