I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
