but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
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She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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