I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
