I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
