Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
