So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It was confusing and full of hummus
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
