the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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