Four minutes until I can fart!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
