dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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