I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
