I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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