Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
