New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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