i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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