I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
