no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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