you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
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If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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