I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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