at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think people are normalizing furries
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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