just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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