I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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