Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
