Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
