he thought i was a dude.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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